Unsent Letters
by Ferrum
Summary: From all of the Junishis to Tohru Honda, with love... with unreached love. (All Junishi x/+ Tohru; Toriru)


**Author's Note:  
**Fruits Basket and related characters are trademarks and registered copyright of Natsuki Takaya. This is a non-profit work of a fan. The author's listening to The Muppet Movie's "Rainbow Connection" by Kermit the frog (cries, remembering her childhood memories), Bonnie Pink's "Thinking of you" and V6's "Dasenai Tegami" (Which means 'Unsent letter')

**Keywords and warnings:  
**PG, one-shot. Another All Junishi x/+ Tohru. Semi-AU, letters for Tohru that now lives far away from the Junishis. Oh yeah, better read all of the letters before you flame me... (A Toriru at the end)

Oh yeah, this is for Furuba_Lemon_Basket ML at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Furuba_Lemon_Basket/  
and yes, I completely aware that this has NO lemon, but someone (stares blankly at Mona) persuaded me to upload this as an entry too…  
Thanks destructiva, Mona, Felidae H and Kitsune for the (massive) beta-reading.

**To read this fic, please go to http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/Ohimesama/Ferrum_Unsent_letter.html  
**I doubt you'll understand it if you read it here… The full version of the fic is in there… Please do come if you don't want to get yourself confused with the stripped codes here… ;_;  
**Thank you very much**

Start: March 30th, 2002  
Finish: April 28th, 2002 (I think...)  
Beta reading start: May 21, 2002  
Beta reading finish: May 21, 2002

* * *

**unsent letter**

  
_I. A postcard with a picture of maple trees in autumn._  
Tohru, how are you? It's the end of summer already, _nee_? Have the maple trees bloomed already? Tohru, you must remember me every time you see them! I bet Kyo's practicing everyday for his first dance (but the New Year is still 3 months away!) I guess he's really nervous; even Kagura _was slightly annoyed _with Kyo's insistence for her to teach him the dance every time they met! I guess things have been changing since _that _time, _nee_?  
Umm... Tohru, I--- are you alright? because I'm still sad that Don't forget to send me the sample of maple leaves from your place!  I've heard from Shi-chan that the leaves in the mountains are different from the leaves over here! Shi-chan said that over there, they're supposed to be 'heart'-shaped! _Nee_? I'm waiting!  
Hugs and kisses,  
Momicchi =^0^=

_II. A postcard with kimono motifs.  
_Tohru-san, are you all right? I always pray for your safety wherever you are. The Honke's getting noisy, err, I think I wrote the wrong sentence; I'm sorry. Ayame-san has started teaching me about making clothes. I'm very grateful for his kindness; I asked if I could call him 'sensei', but Ayame-san only laughed, muttering something I didn't quite understand. Yes, maybe I'm stupid...  
But, I have this wish to make kimonos instead of western clothes. I was very afraid when I told Ayame-san about that; I thought I would make him angry, but he just smiled and wished me 'good luck'.  
Tohru-san, does this mean that I, now, have a dream of my own? My mother was very happy when I told her about that; she cried and hugged me. I was afraid that I made her sad, but she assured me that she was very happy. I'm so glad. So, now, I'm starting to collect kimono motifs...(blush) and, I think I'll make the kimono for Kyo-san's first dance.  
Please reply if you have a time,   
Sohma Ritsu.

_III. A postcard with a picture of a sea.  
_Honda-san, long time no see. I hope you're all right wherever you are. We've been guessing the place where Akito sent you, I'm the one who thinks that you're kept in the mountain (well, because most of the Sohma villas are in the mountain). I sent you a picture of the sea.  
The baka neko's not improving even with the passing days. I get angry when I think that you sacrificed your freedom for that little cat…so he could be one of the Jyunishis. Such a useless wish--- I'm sorry. I may sound jealous, but I'm only bitter because we can't see you anymore. Between us, maybe Kyo's the one who's tortured most, by of your sacrifice. Because of that, he has been working hard to do his best at his first dance. (Hmm, I don't know, but Haru has something special in store for his first dance; I guess we'll have to wait and see what he has up his sleeve -laughs-)  
Honda-san, when I wrote that I'm jealous of baka neko…I meant it! I hate him even more because of your sacrifice for him, but I know it's wrong of me to feel this way. You did it of your own fee will. Yes, Honda-san did it so he could be in the Ju_san_shi. However, for Honda-san's sake, I will accept his presence, as will the others. I anticipate this can make Honda-san feel better.  
Hope we will meet again,  
Yuki.

_IV. A postcard with a stuffed pig doll picture.  
_Hi, Tohru-kun! I hope you're well. Yet another thing to do with _my_ Kyo-kun!! Kyo-kun actually **begged** me to teach him how to dance!!! Ahh---! The world's getting better and better every day, don't you think so too, Tohru-kun !? So I'm spending almost every day teaching Kyo-kun how to dance!! Ah, I'm so **HAPPY**!! Kyo-kun wasn't quite catching anything at the beginning, but he's getting better and better every day! Kyo-kun's actually staying at my place now that he is allowed to stay at the _Honke_. I've been practicing to cook, clean the house, wash the clothes, etc, so I can be a good housewife for Kyo-kun... But... no matter how hard I try, I will not be as good as you. ^^ Because you are actually (and always will be) *THE BEST* housewife in the whole world!! Ah, here's Kyo-kun screaming again, gtg, Tohru-kun, see you ^^  
3 Kagura 3

_V. A postcard with a picture of a farm, with lots of cows.  
_Yo. Momiji somehow persuaded all of us to send you some postcards that have their own unique meanings. And I'm sending you this…heh, it's me alright. It's getting colder and colder and Yuki yesterday turned into his rat form three times in the school, and Kyo had trouble hiding him. Yes, they're getting along quite well these days; guess that's because of you. And you know what? I have beaten Kyo; it happened yesterday, when he was somehow, dazed... and I'm actually proud because of it, even though it could be counted as cheating in some vocabulary, but still, I've beaten Kyo. (Speaking of Kyo, do you know that he's practicing his punches and kicks with Kagura in his dance practice instead of actually _dancing_?)  
Hope it's not too cold wherever you are, take care of yourself,  
Sohma Hatsuharu

_VI. A postcard with a picture of a farm, with lots of sheep.  
Nee-chan_, sorry for the postcard. I asked Haru to buy it for me along with Kisa's; you should see what he bought for Kisa. She even cried when she saw it! I will not forgive him for making her cry! Haru even bought a postcard of a Orangutan for Ritsu before Ritsu finally got a postcard for himself! Haru _no yaro_! ... Ah about Kisa, aside from Haru making her cry, I'm worried about her.  Kisa doesn't look well these days. I don't know what happened, she turns me down whenever I ask her to go out and play with me. She even avoids me when I want to talk to her! This is... strange. Is someone bullying her again? I won't forgive anyone who's upsetting my Kisa! This is unforgivable!  
... Just what did I write? It's none of your business =P...  
... well, maybe I need some advice... _nee-chan_, did I do something wrong to her? I... I'm very afraid I might have.. I don't want Kisa to hate me...  
Sohma Hiro

_VII. A postcard with a picture of tigers, eating their prey.  
Nee-chan_, [streams of tears], I'm terribly sorry for the postcard. I... I... when I asked Haru nii-chan to pick me something natural, he came up with this postcard.  I can't go anywhere to change this for something better. That's... not because of what... that's... I... _nee-chan_, I just had my first menstruation yesterday; I'm very nervous about it. I'm afraid to go anywhere, for fear of staining everywhere I go with blood... I don't want to bother people. Rin,_ nee-chan_ said us women can get quite emotional during these times. I'm afraid that I might say something wrong or upsetting someone with my current mood. I'm sorry to bother you, _nee-chan_, by writing something like this. By the way, how are you, _nee-chan_? I hope you're in a beautiful place, with lots of flowers, and plants, and fresh air, like where most Sohma Villas are... and I hope you can watch anime at your place ^^. The Adventure of Mogeta is entering the 3rd season, and I can't wait for the continuation.  
^^ Sohma Kisa

_VIII. A postcard of a busy street in the city.  
_Tohru-kun!! (hugs) Ah, long time no see, Tohru-kun! I heard from Shigure you that you were in great shape when he last visited you. Of course! Mountain air can give your skin a more perfect treatment than going to a beauty spa!

  
Hi, this is Mine, hope you feel well ^^ Actually, I'm the one who picked this postcard for Tencho-san, because you're far away from the city, we thought you will love to see one ^_~

 Yes, that was Mine, I asked her to pick one up, and she wrote some lines for you. Where was I? Oh yeah, I know that clean air's good for your skin, but don't forget about your health. It's almost autumn and it must be very cold over there. Here's something I made with Mine with all of our hearts and souls, filled with our love for you, Tohru-kun ~_^ hahahahahahaha! I don't have anything else to say, because my brother and the others probably already told you everything with their postcards! (I don't want to waste more ink.) 

Actually, Tencho-san's ran out of it...

 Haha, Mine, we shall discuss that another time.

With love from Sohma Ayame and Mine Kuramae, (soon to be Mine Sohma!) Mine, that's supposed to be a surprise... -_-;; A surprise, but Tencho-san hadn't mentioned about that! So, it's better if I told her about this! Ahahahahahaha ^0^

_IX. A postcard of Fuji Mountain.  
_Tohru, are you alright over there? It's fine here...  
... ... ... **DAMNIT!** I don't know how to write letters, postcards, whatever they call these things, but I never thought I'd be writing one to begin with! I'd prefer 4 hours of dance practice with that lousy Kagura **THAN** this!  
... ... NO! It doesn't mean I don't like writing anything for you!! I... I just don't know what to write...  
_Warukatta_. I just hope you're fine... that's more than enough.  
Kyou  
PS: You're somewhere near the sea, **RIGHT**?

_X. A postcard of puppies, in a basket.  
_Tohru-kun, _ohisashiburi desune... _Well, it's so funny that I am writing a letter to you when I'm actually the one who delivers all your letters^^. But am I not kind to be doing this? Ah =^^=, this is also a card to go along with my present for you. By the time your read this, it should be in your possession already. I thought I picked the right one for you... Wait, no. Actually Mit-chan's the one who picked it out.  As I write, she's at my back with evil eyes, begging with tears streaming down her flushed cheeks…for me to marry her. (stains of ink) Okay, okay, sorry, she told me to finish this letter quickly, since she went through the trouble to search for the cute present (she wants the manuscript for it in return) can't you be a little bit gentler to me, Mit-chan? You're hurting me… my body has its limits, you know... (more stains of ink) I think she got the wrong idea. ^0^ I guess I better finish this before she actually kills me ^^  
See you then, Tohru-kun ^^

_XI. A postcard with a close up picture of a cherry blossom flower.  
_Dear Tohru Honda, I hope you're well in your place at the mountain. Yes, Shigure told me where you were. Unfortunately, I can't go there to visit you at this time.  
I'm sorry for what happened. I too have hurt you and now, I have created this mess. I'm sorry, _Tohru_.  
Akito also told me to get married. He has given me a pile of _miai_ pictures, and he said that _the one_ he picked was the best... _sou_, Akito had picked me a wife. I have been engaged to her for a month already; and soon with the arrival of spring, our wedding will take place.   
Maybe after this, you will think of me as a loser, as a man that cannot win his own love. And this loser is not a perfect man for you, Tohru, _Honda-kun_...  
No matter how many times I apologize in this letter, even if I sent you a book of 'I'm sorry' written in it, it'll never be enough to express how much I regret my cowardice for this.  
I think I better move on, and so should you, _Honda-kun_.  
Sincerely yours,  
Sohma Hatori.

_***_

  
Mina-san, thank you very much for your postcards.  
They are so beautiful, and, Kisa-chan, your postcard is nothing to be ashamed of; it's one of the things that happens in tiger's life. They do that for living, same with Hatsuharu-san eating cows' meat to live. (Smiles) I hope Hatsuharu-san didn't get offended. I think I just gave a wrong example.  
Don't worry about me, I'm totally fine where I am. Momiji-kun, I didn't find any heart-shaped maple leaves like Shigure-san said; I'm terribly sorry, but in this letter I am putting a momiji leaf from a place not too far from where I live. It's red already at my place.  
Kyo-kun, thank God, _ganbatte_ for your first dance. If only I could see it. Kyo-kun must be very handsome in the kimono that Ritchan-san will make. No, Kyo-kun, you don't need to apologize! I'm completely fine in here! Thank you!  
Ayame-san thank you for the winter mantle you've given me; it's so warm that even I can't feel cold anymore. I thanked Shigure-san for the puppy he gave me for a companion; if you had the chance, to see how cute it is, and his name is you would hug him and never let him go!  
Hiro-kun, Kisa-san is alright; aren't you, Kisa-san? (winks) It's a secret between us, right?  
Hatsuharu-san! Congratulations! But, are you and Kyo-kun alright? Fights can sometimes cause serious injuries! Please do be careful!  
Yuki-kun I have asked the same of Kyou-kun  ^^ .  You don't need to be jealous, because Yuki-kun, you also have something that no one else has.  
Hatori-san, it's alright. I'm doing fine right now. It's not Hatori-san's fault. I won't blame you for all the kindness you'd given me... Is that so, a _miai_ for Hatori-san? _Congratulations_! Ah, I wish I can be there, but of course, I can't. I will wish the best for Hatori-san, and--- [some water drop stains that made the writings unreadable] Ah, I'm sorry for the stains, there's some leakage from the rooftop; no, the place's perfectly fine, it's not some old bungalow. I think that this place is too royal for me.

Okay, It's almost winter, so I hope Mina-san will take care of you all.

Sincerely,  
Honda Tohru.

PS: If you don't mind, Kyo-kun and Hatori-san, would you please send me pictures of the first dance and the wedding ^^

Shigure smiled, and the others looked at each other's faces. "Tohru sounds so genki."

"_Sou ne_." Yuki commented, while Momiji jumped behind him, reaching for the letter the mouse had in his hands and cried, "_Nee! I want to read it again! Let me read it!_' 

Haru, without thinking too much, snatched the letter from Yuki's hand, saying "I got it."

"Haru-niichan, I want to read it again..." Kisa added silently.

Soon a little riot began; Ritsu and Kagura, even Hiro and Kyou, who didn't look like they were interested, were gathering around the place where the letter was, in Haru's hands...

Hatori just winced his eyes at this, once was enough. Just like Akito had said to her, in front of them, before he sent her to her exile, _"They are addicted to you, I don't want that..."_

And that was the reason, but behind that, there was another secret motive... Hatori clenched his fist, and wanted to leave the room, when...

"Ha-san," Shigure then said, he took an envelope, the same envelope with the letter that Tohru sent them. "This is a letter from Tohru-san that I _stole_." 

Hatori narrowed his eyes, like saying "What do you mean?"

Shigure chuckled. "I asked her what it was, and she said it was a junk letter that she had miswritten. She hid it after that, but I managed to find it and steal it." Shigure grinned. 

"What does it have to do with me?" Hatori asked uninterested.

"Read it." Shigure put it in Hatori's hands, and left, humming some song...

On the cover of the envelope, written: "To Hatori-san";

Hatori-san,  
How are you?  
Are you alright?  
If you are, I'm totally grateful...  
I heard about your wedding, and after few times practicing, I actually can write the single word, 'congratulations'.  
Although it pains me deeply, it'd be selfish of me if I didn't wish for your happiness.  
But I'm lying to myself if I congratulate you about your marriage.  
Hatori-san's happiness is the only thing that I want right now,  
b..but.. to think that the person that will give you happiness is not me… makes me, somehow,  
sad... and... jealous,  
maybe.  
If things had gone the other way, I would have---  
ah, forget it.  
What am I writing anyway? Stupid letter full of regrets, and silly letter full of foolish dreams.  
Perhaps this letter is just another way to wallow in my own self pity, so stupid of me right?  
But really, I'm more relaxed right now,  
and if I find myself in a stupid mood again, I'll reread this letter and remember what my mother always told me.  
I find some comfort in knowing that no one will read this letter except me; I wrote it to remind myself  
that I had wished Hatori-san for myself...  
I had wished for Hatori-san's happiness, loneliness, sadness, dreams; his all for myself.  
(Smiles) I'm finally finished with this unsent letter,  
No one will read it,  
and no one shall know of these foolish things,  
no one shall know of my stupid dreams,  
and no one will know the only regret I'd had...  
and I will try to be happy and do my best,  
 my own way.

Tohru Honda.

PS: Ah, if this letter somehow is read by someone else (blush), PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give it back to me or throw it away… no, burn it. And please forget what I've said! It's just some meaningless madness.  
thank you ^^

***

Tohru had searched every corner of the villa she was staying in, perhaps until the end of her life. A small villa, with the bills paid by the Sohma family, and the ingredients and all that she needed brought by Shigure Sohma who would come at least once a month. She's imprisoned alone, in an expensive jail, with nobody with her... well, maybe the puppy that Shigure had given her a couple of days ago; when Shigure suggested her to name him 'Hatori', Tohru had been blushing, but it's been his name since then.

And now the main problem, the letter she had written for herself had gone missing. It was not a problem, but she had feared that somehow Shigure brought that letter along and maybe had given it to Hatori. The human Hatori, not the dog Hatori. To make sure it wasn't just lost amongst her things, she searched for it everywhere, yet it was no where to be found.

If Hatori, or the other Junishis read it, or maybe even Akito, she wouldn't know what to do.

A knock was heard at the door, so loud and persistent, that it almost shocked Tohru. The puppy, unfamiliar with the sounds, instinctively ran towards the door. "Hatori!" Tohru screamed for the dog. It was strange, to think that Shigure had already visited her a few days ago, and then, there was another visit.  
The dog began scratching the door. 

"Hatori, don't scratch the door, will you?" She pulled the dog into her arm, and opened the door. "Shigure-san, welco---" she stopped her words.

Hatori was looking at her, and then the dog, who barked at him. 

"I didn't scratch the door, I knocked it." Hatori then said, coldly, as usual.

"Ah, no!" Tohru ducked her blushing face, and pat the dog in her hands. "I mean, this puppy, ah, I don't mean to insult you; it's Shigure-san who named him, and he was already used to being called 'Hatori' even before I got it; ah, I'm not blaming Shigure-san, but---"

"Can I come in?"

"Ah, sure! I'm sorry! _Dozo o-agari kudasai_." Hatori stepped in, mentioning '_shitsurei_' and Tohru closed the door.

"I see you're quite comfortable with this place." Hatori said, following the girl towards the living room. "It's not as bad as the others had imagined."

"Eh? What did they think about this place?"

"Someplace dark with only one room surrounded by iron bars, and with only one toilet."

Tohru laughed. "There aren't even iron bars in here. Shall I make coffee, Hatori-san?"

"Ah." Was the only answer from Hatori, and Tohru walked to the kitchen, after bowing a little.

Hatori looked at the mountains around the villa, it was still morning... and, of course, it was a perfect place to enjoy loneliness... But Tohru and loneliness didn't click... yet she said that she was comfortable with the place.

"_wan_!" A bark, and he felt fur against his leg; it was a little puppy with deep black eyes examining him. Hatori almost understood why Tohru didn't want to write the dog's name in the last letter. 

"So you're 'Hatori'?" he said and the dog barked. Hatori that time almost believed that dog actually understood what he was saying.

"Sorry to make you wait, Hatori-san."

Hatori just looked at the girl when she returned with a cup of coffee; she placed it on the table in front of him and took a seat at the sofa across from him. The other Hatori ran and sat on her lap, while he took the cup and sipped the black liquid. They didn't say anything at all after that. Tohru only said something to the little Hatori, and laughed by herself.

"The reason I came here," Hatori said breaking the silence. He paused momentarily as he took in the surprised expression on her face after placing the letter on the table next to the coffee cup.  He could see her blush, ten times redder than her usual blush, "is to return this, just as you had requested in case the letter had gotten loss."

"Ah, I see!" Tohru replied as quickly as possible, took the letter from where it was, and almost crushed it. "B--b-- by any means, did you read it? 

"The writing on the envelope says it's for me, so of course I read it---"

"I'm sorry! I should have burnt it! Ah please, Hatori-san, just forget what I wrote in this letter. I'm sorry to bother you! Please, I didn't mean to--- I mean, I'm, I'm!!" She bowed repeatedly and stopped, almost crying, "I'm sorry to bother you, Hatori-san, just please forget about this."

"......... ah," Hatori then answered, taking a sip from his coffee again, while through the corners of his eyes, he caught Tohru stuffing the crushed letter into her apron's pocket. He closed his eyes and put the cup back to the table and stood, "I shall leave."

"Ah, yes, of course!" She followed Hatori to the _genkan_, but stopped when Hatori halted his steps, "did you forget something, Hatori-san?"

"Do you really want me to forget about it?"

"Eh?"

"The letter."

"--- --- --- ah, I think so, it's the best for Hatori-san's new life."

"Is that so?" She could hear Hatori breath, and suddenly he turned his back and landed one hand on her eyes, fingers covering her eyes, until she could only see darkness.

"Hatori-san?"

"So, it's the best for you just to forget about me, Tohru."

"Ha--- Hatori-san?"

"It's also for your new life, Tohru... I don't want you to regret anything about me---"

"Hatori-san---"

He still could hear the voices of the people whose memories he had erased, even his beloved Kana's voice, her voice filled with regret when he erased her memories; now like then it felt no different as he was about to do the same to this girl who he came to love.

"No, Hatori-san! Please don't!" He felt tears fall onto his hands, "I--- I don't want to forget anything about Hatori-san--- I, please, I--- I don't want to forget anything about you... I still want to remember things about Hatori-san... what you like, what you hate, what you had said... what you had given me---I didn't regret anything--- about Hatori-san... I still want my memories about Hatori-san here... I want to remember Hatori-san as having been part of my life.

"Yes, I have hoped that Hatori-san won't forget anything about me as well... and even though it's selfish, I still want my place in Hatori-san's heart...  
B, but, I still... wanted the best for Hatori-san... so Hatori-san wouldn't have any more regrets like me..  
Hatori-san said--- that he had moved on after meeting and getting too know me, and that you were happy... and I too, hope Hatori-san can once again move on, forgetting about me, and be happy... I--- I---know maybe it's a selfish request... But I want, Hatori-san's place in here," she put her hands over her chest where her heart rests, "... please..."

He felt his hand drenched wet from her tears. "Tohru... when I said I was happy being with you I truly meant it... and even a moment ago, I was happy, and after reading that you don't want me to be someone else's... made me very happy... I too, didn't want you to tell me to forget that we had once been happy being together."

"Hatori-san, I'm sorry." Her hands holding his wrist, "... I am sorry..."

"... I understand..." He took his hand from her eyes, red, and wet because of tears. "I'm sorry too..."

Tohru shook her head, hearing Hatori's words, "I've no regrets."

"... Ah," He turned his back to the door. "I almost forgot," Hatori took something from his mantle pocket and put it on Tohru's ring finger. "When I have a dog, maybe I'll name it 'Tohru' then..."

Tohru just smiled. "... Be careful."

"Ah." It was when Hatori just wanted to put on his shoes in the _genkan_, he turned his head towards Tohru's direction; making the girl bend her neck to one side, as if she was asking what was the matter. Hatori let his lips shut for a while, before he opened them again, and asked, "Can I ask for your company, for the last time, for only this night?"

His deep brownish eyes darkened when Tohru slowly avoided his gaze, her eyes went to his shoes. A sigh escaped from her mouth, and after that, an answer, "If that is what Hatori-san wishes--"

* * *

I think I've done another ruined fic again...


End file.
